Try a new hobby or interest

If you're feeling stressed out and spread too thin, taking up a new hobby or exploring a new interest is probably the last thing on your mind. But if you're looking for a way to rejuvenate and energize yourself, a new hobby might be just the thing you're looking for. I know what you're thinking, I don't have the time. Well, if time is the only thing holding you back, take a moment to look at how you currently spend your time and see if there are ways to restructure. For example, Nielsen Media research reports that the average person spends 4.5 hours each day watching television and the average household Television is in use an average of 8 hours per day. If you add this up over a lifetime (the average life expectancy in the U.S. is 78 years), that adds up to 14.74 yrs. Think you could learn to play the piano or dance the tango in that amount of time? Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on TV, I'm just using it as an example to demonstrate that there may activities which currently take up significant amounts of your time, time which could just as easily be used in other ways.

Now that I've convinced you that you have the time to invest in new interests or hobbies, lets talk about the benefits of a hobby. Everyone knows about the health benefits of exercise and other physical interests, but you don't have to exert yourself to benefit from a hobby. Studies have shown that people who regularly engage in hobbies such as sewing and gardening are less likely to suffer mental decline. The New England Journal of Medicine published a study which found that those who pursued mind-boosting activities -- such as crossword puzzles -- lowered their risk of Alzheimer's disease or other dementia. A hobby can be relaxing, excite you or energize you. It may give you something to feel passionate about or simply some time to yourself. One thing is certain, if you're focused on a hobby or an interest, you're less likely to be focused on your stress or other worries.

A hobby can also become a source of supplemental income or a nest egg for retirement. In 1996 an anonymous collector paid $2.3 million for a single stamp and in 2002 The 1933 Gold Double Eagle, designed by Augustus Saint-Gaudens, sold for $7.5 million U.S. dollars, the highest price ever paid for a single coin. Well it's not likely that you'll stumble across such a rare find, collectors spend millions of dollars on EBAY and thousands of people worldwide have turned their hobbies into a source of income. Who knows, maybe you'll write the next great novel!

So get off that couch and do something you've always wanted to do and remember that when all as said and done more people regret the things they didn't do rather than the ones they did.

Summer's winding down

It's been awhile since my last blog and I must admit, I don't have a good excuse other than I've been enjoying the summer with my kids and family. I'm one of those people who love everything about summer, from sitting on my back deck watching fireflies on a warm summer's night to those hot sweltering days in August. The sound of an ice cream truck and kids playing in the yard remind of all the simple pleasures I sometimes take for granted. As the days get shorter and the kids return to school, I'll try and milk as much enjoyment out of the days as I can, until it's time to get out my sweaters and put away my shorts and sandals.

Think you're stressed out,? Try landing on the moon.

40 years ago today, as half a billion people watched in awe on their tiny (by today's standards) T.V. screens, Apollo 11 landed on the surface of the moon. A feat so incredible, there are still those who believe that it was all an elaborate hoax (I won't dishonor the memory of the lunar landing, by giving any credence to this theory). Just two years earlier, on January 27, 1967, a flash fire occurred in the Apollo 1 command module during a launch simulation, killing the three astronauts meant to pilot the mission. I imagine that Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins were keenly aware of this, as they prepared to embark on a mission which had never been attempted, let alone accomplished. Despite the exhaustive training and preparation, NASA really had no idea what to expect. What must have been going through the minds of those astronauts as they made the three and a half day journey to moon? Watching the Earth grow smaller and smaller out the bay window, the significance of what they were about to do had to be weighing heavily on their minds. Among the distractions the astronauts had to deal with were the sounding alarms when the ship's computer couldn't keep up with the data stream. As they approached the lunar surface, Neil Armstrong made a decision to take manual control of the lunar lander to select a safer landing spot, all with only about twenty seconds of fuel remaining.

Nine months later, on April 11, 1970, Apollo 13 was launched for another trip to the moon. Two days into their mission, a fault in the electrical system of one of the service module oxygen tanks produced an explosion which caused a loss of electrical power and failure of both oxygen tanks. Fortunately the command module remained functional on its own batteries and oxygen tank, which were only designed to support the vehicle during the last hours of flight. The mission was aborted and the crew was forced to shut down the command module and use the lunar module as a "lifeboat" during the return trip to earth. Despite the great hardship caused by limited power, loss of cabin heat, and a shortage of potable water, the crew managed to return safely to Earth.

Between the first and last lunar mission in December 1972, The United States managed to make it to the moon and back six times. No other country has ever successfully landed a man on the moon. The moon landings remain a testament to the drive, resilience and human ingenuity of the men and women of this great country.

So the next time you're struggling with a bad day or worrying about all which lies ahead, look up at at the moon, take a deep breath and know that you can handle anything the world throws at you.

Some thoughts on weeds and relationships

While mowing my lawn yesterday, and grumbling to myself about how horrible my yard looks, I thought about that all American pursuit of the ideal lawn. When my wife and I first moved into our home, our yard was in pretty good shape. Nicely landscaped, a few weeds here and there, but otherwise a lawn to feel good about. Unfortunately, yard work is not my forte, it takes more work than I'm willing to put in. I'm just not one to water, weed, or fertilize.

I tend to take short cuts with my lawn. To illustrate, I ordered some Zoysia grass a few years ago, after seeing an ad in a magazine. You only have to mow a Zoysia lawn once each month, it said. Sounded great to me. My grass arrived a week later as four slabs, each the size of a large ceramic floor tile. I read the instructions, telling me to measure my lawn, separate the grass into individual plugs and plant each plug 4 feet apart. Hmmm, sounds like an awful lot of work I thought. Then I have to water everyday for two weeks? I think to myself, there must be an easier way. Why not just plant the slabs as is. It's grass right, it'll grow. Three years later, I can see the folly of my thinking. Even now, though I'd still like that lush green lawn, I'm not willing to pay for a lawn service. I tell myself things, like, oh my lawn's not that bad or I'll have more time to focus on the lawn when the kid's are older and I have more time.

All this thinking about my lawn, helped me think of a good analogy. Relationships, like lawns, take lots of work. I see many couples in my practice struggling with poor communication and trust issues, or who have simply begun to drift apart over time. Their story is frequently the same. Things were great while they were dating, then they got married and things began to change. There are careers to launch, houses to buy, and children to raise. With all these outside forces pushing and pulling them in different directions, it's not surprising that things change. Couples turn their attention to addressing all the other things going on in their busy lives and their relationship begins to suffer. The physical and emotional intimacy wanes, they spend less time talking and engaged in "couple" activities. Over time the needs of the "family" completely overshadow their relationship. Strain on the relationship ultimately leads to a breakdown in communication, more conflict and increased tension. By the time a couple makes it to my office there is much work to do.

The good news is, that once a couple has decided to "tend to their lawn" so to speak, they are usually successful at addressing the issues which have eroded the foundation of their relationship. With their relationship once again a priority, communication improves, they spend more time together and the emotional and physical intimacy between them increases. The realization that the relationship will not take care of itself leads them to take consistent action to ensure that their relationship continues to grow and get stronger year after year.

At least my yard was good for something.

Have a great 4th of July

I hope you all have a great 4th of July. Remember all of those who are risking their lives to protect this great country.

Hanging with Josh

This is the world as we know it

A few weeks ago, while playing with my kids in our backyard, I watched as they joyfully picked the wildflowers blooming by the creek which runs behind our back fence. My five year old son was blissfully tossing stones into the water when our afternoon interlude was interrupted by the screams of my two year old son. He ran to me, his little finger swelling up like a Vienna sausage. He had been stung by his first wasp, while trying to catch the poor thing. As the tears streamed down his little face, he looked at me and cried out: WHY! As I wiped the tears from his face and kissed his boo-boo, I did my best to explain to him how such a horrible thing could have happened. In a few moments he was back running and playing, stopping now and then to look in amazement at his swollen finger.

This moment stayed with me. I realized that this is one (albeit minor) of a long line of "tragic" events which are likely occur in my son's precious life. Someday, he'll have to deal with the loss of a loved one, the end of a dear relationship, and the daily barrage of "bad news" which streams across television screens nationwide. In a society where there seems so much chaos and turmoil, it's easy to become cynical. We learn from the adults in our lives that there is so much to fear. Don't talk to strangers, don't trust the government, don't count on anyone but yourself.

All too soon we grow up and our focus shifts from the joy of discovery to a daily struggle of personal survival. As we try to make end meet, reconcile our checkbooks and balance our personal and professional lives, our primary communication with those we love increasingly comes through Facebook, text messaging and Twitter. We stop watching sunsets (except for the infrequent family vacation), we don't lie in the grass watching the clouds drift by, and we rarely take in the wonder of an evening thunderstorm (except to check for water damage). With all the technology available to make our lives easier, we are busier than ever.

As the Fourth of July nears, I think back to my own childhood, playing baseball with my neighborhood friends from sun up to sun down. We were the lucky ones, I guess. Most of our parents held good jobs and were happily married (my parents have been together since high school). We didn't have to worry about being abducted, or being the victims of random violence (at least we didn't know we should be worried about those things). Now as I drive past the nearly empty parks and ball fields, I wonder what has happened to childhood. Is the world such a horrible place that we need to keep our kids locked up in the house (I know, TV and video games), safe and protected from the evil world outside.

Is the world really a more dangerous place, or is it simply our perception of the world? I for one will choose to believe that people are still basically good, that the world is still a basically safe place and that the risk of a wasp sting is a small price to pay for the enjoyment of a beautiful summer. Thankfully, my children still feel that way too!